God's Perfect Love

Table Imperfectly Decorated for Worship. Notice the asymmetrical cloth placement. 

Today was a moving day for me, and, I think it's safe to say, for many of our youth. John Bell, the conference preacher, spoke to us about the difference between failure and sin. He had us repeat, "Failure is not automatically sin." He went on to talk about the danger of beating ourselves up over failure and assuming that the disabilities we struggle to live with are the consequence of sin. John said something like, "God made the world good, but not perfect. God gave us bodies to live in that are good, but not perfect." I was deeply moved by his words, so were our youth.

For two months now I have had to walk with a walking stick. I need this assistance because I have a fracture in my femur that I got from overtraining for a marathon. I worked really hard to prepare for the marathon and was devastated to not be able to run. I failed and broke my leg in the process. I was angry, frustrated, and resentful. I hated myself and was all too keen on punishing myself on the pavement. It took a diagnosis to humble me, yet it wasn't until tonight, that I recognized I was still loved.

John Bell preaching to the youth. 

John shared a story about a woman in South Africa who was brutally raped and infected with HIV. She became really sick and sought treatment. After her diagnosis, she too was devastated. However, unlike me, she was much more receptive to God's love. Instead of wallowing in guilt, anger, sorrow, hatred, or remorse believing her infection was punishment for failure, she built herself up. Every morning she gets up and stares at herself in the mirror. She tells herself, "I love you. I love you. I love you! God doesn't make anything ugly. I love you." She sings and dances in choir, celebrating and embracing life.

We can talk an awful lot about Grace in the church, but I don't think I really ever felt like I needed it until tonight. I broke down in worship, crying as I leaned into the pew; feeling the strength of God's love holding me up. I realized how hurt and upset I was with myself for failing at running the marathon and running to the point of injury; I knew I had to let go, realize I was still loved and that this injury was not a punishment from God. My entire perspective was radically shifted by Grace.

During devotions, I share my story with our youth. I was deeply moved by the stories they shared as well. We are all in need of love, grace, and support. Most of the time, we are the ones who cut ourselves down the most. Tonight, during devotion, many our youth and adults shared in this epiphany of love.

I can write with confidence that even after the second day of Montreat, we are all being deeply impacted by how the Spirit is speaking. Take time to love yourself. Find a mirror and say:

I love you.
I Love YOU.
I LOVE you.
God doesn't make anything ugly.
I love you.

We love you with all your imperfections. God made you good. Not perfect. Good. God loves you and so do we.

Adam